Rose is Rose - Aug 16, '07

Rose is Rose - Aug 5, '07

4 years ago.....

4 years ago today at about 3:30 am Malaysia time, I lost someone whom I love very much, my mom, Raja Hjh Hairul Nisha bt. Raja Hj Hussein. She passed away after battling breast cancer for about 2 years which in the end had spread to her colon, bones and brain. She was diagnosed with the illness in 2001. After her surgery and rounds of chemotherapy, she was in remiscion for about a year. Then, in late 2002 we got the devastating news that she had a relapse.

I was able to go back to Malaysia with Jim for her 56th birthday (her last) in December '02 and also during my sister, Deen's wedding, in March '03. Late July '03 I received the devastating call from my dad saying that her cancer had spread to her bones and brain and she would not have much time left. I frantically tried to book my flight home with Malaysia Airlines and since it was the summer holidays, their flight were fully booked so they put me on a waiting list. Not 30 minutes after I spoke with MAS, I had just gotten of the phone with various other airlines to see if I could get a ticket (they were either fully booked or the price was so outrageous that I could buy a brand new car with it), MAS called me back and said that someone had just cancelled their ticket so they have one ready for me. Anyways, I left for Malaysia on Aug 6th and arrived at KLIA on the afternoon of August 8th. Went straight to my parents house to see my mom.

She looked so much different from the last time I saw her 5 months earlier. She was so thin and frail that I almost did not recognize her. She was able to recognize me and she seemed happy to see me there. All her family was there and it seemed like (to me anyways) she was a little better than when I first saw her that afternoon. Alas, by night fall she had gotten worse that we took her to the emergency room and was admitted at Damansara Specialist. I stayed with her all night (I was still in the clothes I had on the airplane). Our family was in and out of her room all day, taking turns to stay with her. That night my dad, aunt (Wan Chik - mom's youngest sister), their maid and myself took turn staying up with her. I woke up at 3 am for my turn. Mummy was asleep so I read the Surah Yassin as I kept an eye on the heart & pulse monitor by the bed. At about 3:20 am I felt her gently squeezed my hand, took a very deep breathe (the lines on the heart & pulse monitor went up) and then she was gone (the lines went all the way down and never came back). It took me a couple of seconds to realized what had just happened but as soon as I came back to reality, I started screaming for my dad and aunt to wake up. After that everything was a blur, I was walking around like a zombie that I don't know how I even managed to drive. Everything was on "auto-pilot" from then on...

My mom's last wish was for her to be buried among her family in her hometown of Kuala Kangsar, Perak. So after all the legalities were done and the "kapan" was done at my parents house in KL, we drove her to KK. Everything was done by about 5pm that day....

She was an awesome woman, loved by all her family & friends. I missed her very much and tho we have had our differences, I truly love her. I am just glad that she's not suffering anymore.

Mummy, I love you & miss you lots. Alfatihah...

Sicko

Jim & I saw the movie "Sicko" by Michael Moore last night. It was a documentary about the health system in the US compared to other countries in the world. I love watching his movies/documentaries coz it makes you think. Anyways, if you have a chance, go watch it...

Harry Potter & the Deadly Hollows

I finally finished reading "Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows" at 3am this morning. For the last 4 days I could not put that book down. I've never had so much fun reading a fictional book ever since I read "Lord of the Rings" by Tolkien so many years ago when I was in high school.

I have to admit that this is the only book I've read of the Harry Potter series. I've always just wait for the movie to come out. Haven't had a chance to see the 5th movie yet, "Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix" but I am sure I will love it just like I love the first 4 movies. Reading "Deadly Hollows" makes me want to read the first 6 books. It is one of a few books that while reading it, I would sink into the imaginary world of Harry Potter. I feel like I was actually there seeing all their adventure unfold in front of me. I was so into my imaginary world that Jim (my hubby) said I was totally oblivious to my surrounding. I had this total concentration on my face as I turn page after page of that book.

Anyways, I am thinking of ordering the hardcover set, book 1 - 6 on Amazon.com. The set doesn't go on sale until October 1st and I am not sure if I want to wait that long to read it. Since I've already seen the first 4 movies and most likely will see the 5th, I might just buy the "Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince" so as to keep my "thirsty" mind from wondering too far.....

It Finally Happened....

Alas, what I have been waiting for the last few months finally happened. Remember a few blogs ago I wrote about changes happening at work? It finally happened yesterday. Everything is signed, t's are crossed, i's are dotted and the ink is dry. Dr. K now owns 100% of the dental practice. Dr. S and Mr. A are no longer part of the dental ownership.... Starting next week I will be working from home for Dr. K doing the books and all the stuff I normally do. It will be interesting to see how that goes. I am looking forward to working from home coz I get to see my 3 boys more..he he he.

Anyways, even though Dr. S and Mr. A are no longer partners with Dr. K on the dental practice, I will still work for them on the dental software side along with Mr. V. In fact, Dr. S wants me to start working for him for his own dental practice. So, now I will have 3 part time jobs instead of a full time and a part time and I still have the same 4 bosses as I did before.

I am excited about the new arrangement. I just hope that I will be able to handle juggling 3 different companies all at once... Oh well, here's to a new beginning....

Pray...

Thanks Wan Chik for this postcard....I love you...

B.I.T.C.H.O.L.O.G.Y.

*I got this from my friend, Julie. I do have to say, in some way I am a bitch...he he he.

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.

The same happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they thing I "should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionate and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching."

Between Friends

I came across this comic strip today. Have you ever done this? I know I have

Pet Peeve(s)

I have this little pet peeve about online chatting (instant messenging i.e. IM). I have been communicating with family and friends on yahoo messenger (definitely cheaper than calling them on the phone). Lately, I have a few chatters who would "BUZZ" me when they first get online. So, this is my pet peeve...how hard is it to say "Hello" or bagi salam when you first chat with someone? Everytime someone buzz me, I feel like I have to sit up straight and pay attention or that I am someone's maid that I have to go fetch something for his/her majesty. I am not your SERVANT, dammit!!! . It bugs me so much that I have put a few people on my ignore list just because of this.

Another pet peeve I have about internet chatting is that just because you have all the time in the world to chat, does not mean that I do. Or that when I do have time to chat but a little late in replying to their chat, they would start buzzing. HELLO??? If I could reply immediately I would.

I honestly think that some people need to take some kind of online etiqutte class before they are allowed to chat with anyone (I feel the same way about cell phones too but that is a whole different story). People are just so rude and/or don't have any manners nowadays. No wonder our society is going down the tubes...

Anyways, to all my family and friends, if you BUZZ me and I don't answer, you know the reason why....

Rose is Rose

I just love this comic strip!!!

Happy Birthday Wan Chik

HAPPY 46th BIRTHDAY WAN CHIK!!!

Love,

Jim, Yin, Sammy & Tiger

Arrrggghhhhhh...worry, worry, worry

Could I be standing in line at this office in a month or two? Maybe, but I surely hope not. There are some changes happening at my work that will definitely effect everyone. I can't tell you what the changes are just yet coz nobody else in the office knows about it except for the owners and yours truly. The owners don't want to announce it to the employees just yet until they are sure everything is in order. They don't want to cause any panic among the employees which I can understand. I truly appreciate the trust the owners have in me to keep everything in order...

I think the changes that are happening will be good for the office but I just can't stop worrying about how it would effect me. I've been with this company for a little over 2 years now after quitting a very good job at a bank. In fact, the owners were my customers at the bank. Though there are more opportunities for me to climb the corporate ladder at the bank, I was not happy there. After about 10 years working in the customer service department (at various jobs including the bank), I was getting burned out dealing with the public. I find that I don't want to hear people whine when they don't get their way or deal with rude people (customers are not always right, you know!). I am just tired of dealing with people.

At my present job, I have my own little office tucked away in the far corner of the building where it is peace and quiet (except for Tuesdays when they use my side of the building to see additional patients). As long as I have my cup of coffee or tea (depending whether it's winter or summer) and my music, I am happy clicking away on the computer looking at numbers and charts. My hours are pretty flexible, Tuesday - Friday 8:00 am - 6:00 pm. Actually, the hours are not really important since the work I do doesn't require me to be in the office while the patients are there, I can actually work whenever I want. That really helps especially if I have appointments to go to, I can adjust my work hours around it. I can even go into work at midnight if I want to...

Anyways, one of the changes that will effect me is that I might be working from home a lot more. Which, by itself would be totally awesome but the compensation might be a little less than what I get right now. My hours might also be less and that is what is worrying me the most at the moment. You see, Jim has been ill since February and am not able to work full time so, currently I am the main bread winner. As I am being paid by the hour, the more hours I work, the more I make. We are doing okay at the moment but if my hours are cut down, I worry that we might not be able to fulfill our financial obligations (I am so glad that my student loan is paid off a long time ago - phew!). Of course we have our savings to fall back on but I would like to keep that for a true emergency or our old age.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to take it one day at a time. Nothing else I can do about it. In time, I am sure everything will fall into place. Everything will work out in the end...

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Courage to change the things I can.

And the wisdom to know the difference

Tips For An Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life

Thanks Raj, for these words of wisdom. I am trying to practice them as much as I can though some are harder to accomplish than others...

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. Buy a Tivo (DVR), tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, "My purpose is to ____ today."

5. Live with the 3 E's - Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.

6. Watch more movies, play more games and read more books than you did in 2006.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, taichi, qigong and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend more time with people over 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and planty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least 3 people smile each day.

13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest you enery in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that apprear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to wate time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idead what their journey is all about.

24. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy linderie (not you guys). Don't save it for a special occassion. Today is special.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In 5 years, will this matter?"

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. What other people think of you is none of your business.

29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family & friends will. Stay in touch.

32. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

34. The best is yet to come.

35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

36. Do the right thing!

37. Call your family often.

38. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: "I am thankful for ____." Today I accomplished _____.

39. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

40. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so mate the most of it and enjoy the ride.

Ouch!!!

The last couple of weeks I have been having this dull pain on my lower back. I am not sure what is wrong with it. Every time I stand up, the pain shots up and down my spine that I couldn't stand up straight. I am starting to walk like I did before I had my back surgery in '92. I try to lay down as much as I can but there come a point where you can't lay anymore. At first I thought it was because I've been laying on the futon downstairs but now whatever I do I'm in pain. I've tried laying on the bed as well as the floor and it doesn't help. I wear the back brace almost all the time now coz without it, the pain is excruciating.

I guess if the pain doesn't go away soon, I should go in and see the doctor. I've been taking Advil to dull the pain but of course, I have to keep taking it every 4 hours and I feel like I'm all drugged up. Urgh, I really hate this. I feel like an old woman!!! I just hope that I'm not getting the same problem I had before I had my back surgery, that would really suck!!!

I am getting really frustrated coz if it's not one thing, it's another... I hope this will end soon coz I don't know how much more I can take.!!!

Sleepy

Here I am at about 5:05 am and wide awake.... Woke up at about 3:45 am and can't go back to sleep so I decided to play some of my games in the hopes that I would get sleepy. No such luck so far... Am yawning quite a bit but my eyes are wide open. My 3 boys are fast asleep. Tiger is sleeping on Jim's belly at the moment and Sammy is right here beside me, sleeping on the chair. Every so often Sammy would open his eyes a little just to make sure that I am still here. He must be wondering why I'm not in bed. I am sure he would rather be on the futon/bed right now. But, being my "shadow", he'll be right beside me wherever I am at the moment hence the reason why he's on the chair curled up in a ball.

Hemm, I'm having my in laws over for lunch tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon. My mother in law's birthday was yesterday (July 6th) and since I had to work and Jim not feeling well, I figured I'll have the family come over for lunch on Sunday. That way, even if Jim isn't up to it, he at least could enjoy some time with his family and still be at home. He hasn't seen little Karsen for a while now and I know that he misses her.

What am I going to make for lunch? My in laws really like it when I make Malaysian dishes when they come over. I think I'll make some popiah goreng (spring rolls) for appertizer. For the main dish I think I'll make kuey teoy goreng with seafood. Also maybe make some roti paratha with dahl, or maybe nasi ayam (chicken rice). I'm not good at making dessert so maybe I'll just get an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbin's. It is my mother in law's birthday after all...

I'm getting a little hungry now so I think I'll go raid the fridge and see what leftovers we have that I could munch on. Maybe I should just heat up some milk and see if that would help me fall back to sleep.

Catch ya guys later.... Adios

Happy Birthday Mom

Happy 61st birthday Mom...

Help! - The Beatles

Help, I need somebody

Help, not just anybody

Help, you know I need someone, help

When I was younger, so much younger than today

I never needed anybody's help in any way

But now those days are fone, I'm not so self assured

Now I feel I've changed my mind and opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being around

Help me, get my feet back on the ground

Won't you please, please help me

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways

My independence seems to vanish in the haze

But every now and then I so so insecure

I know that I just need you like I've never done before

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being around

Help me get my feet back on the ground

Won't you please, please help me, help me , help me...oh

4th of July with Karsen

I was over at Christine & Frank's (my sister in law) earlier today to celebrate 4th of July and took some of these pictures of my little niece Karsen. She's only about 19 months but is quite tall and very smart!

"What are you looking at?" She's a little grumpy since she just woke up from her nap

"Look Daddy, I'm playing the drums"

"Yum, this thumb sure taste good"

The pool in the backyard sure is a good place to cool off in this 116F degree weather.

Happy 4th!!!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!