4 years ago.....

4 years ago today at about 3:30 am Malaysia time, I lost someone whom I love very much, my mom, Raja Hjh Hairul Nisha bt. Raja Hj Hussein. She passed away after battling breast cancer for about 2 years which in the end had spread to her colon, bones and brain. She was diagnosed with the illness in 2001. After her surgery and rounds of chemotherapy, she was in remiscion for about a year. Then, in late 2002 we got the devastating news that she had a relapse.

I was able to go back to Malaysia with Jim for her 56th birthday (her last) in December '02 and also during my sister, Deen's wedding, in March '03. Late July '03 I received the devastating call from my dad saying that her cancer had spread to her bones and brain and she would not have much time left. I frantically tried to book my flight home with Malaysia Airlines and since it was the summer holidays, their flight were fully booked so they put me on a waiting list. Not 30 minutes after I spoke with MAS, I had just gotten of the phone with various other airlines to see if I could get a ticket (they were either fully booked or the price was so outrageous that I could buy a brand new car with it), MAS called me back and said that someone had just cancelled their ticket so they have one ready for me. Anyways, I left for Malaysia on Aug 6th and arrived at KLIA on the afternoon of August 8th. Went straight to my parents house to see my mom.

She looked so much different from the last time I saw her 5 months earlier. She was so thin and frail that I almost did not recognize her. She was able to recognize me and she seemed happy to see me there. All her family was there and it seemed like (to me anyways) she was a little better than when I first saw her that afternoon. Alas, by night fall she had gotten worse that we took her to the emergency room and was admitted at Damansara Specialist. I stayed with her all night (I was still in the clothes I had on the airplane). Our family was in and out of her room all day, taking turns to stay with her. That night my dad, aunt (Wan Chik - mom's youngest sister), their maid and myself took turn staying up with her. I woke up at 3 am for my turn. Mummy was asleep so I read the Surah Yassin as I kept an eye on the heart & pulse monitor by the bed. At about 3:20 am I felt her gently squeezed my hand, took a very deep breathe (the lines on the heart & pulse monitor went up) and then she was gone (the lines went all the way down and never came back). It took me a couple of seconds to realized what had just happened but as soon as I came back to reality, I started screaming for my dad and aunt to wake up. After that everything was a blur, I was walking around like a zombie that I don't know how I even managed to drive. Everything was on "auto-pilot" from then on...

My mom's last wish was for her to be buried among her family in her hometown of Kuala Kangsar, Perak. So after all the legalities were done and the "kapan" was done at my parents house in KL, we drove her to KK. Everything was done by about 5pm that day....

She was an awesome woman, loved by all her family & friends. I missed her very much and tho we have had our differences, I truly love her. I am just glad that she's not suffering anymore.

Mummy, I love you & miss you lots. Alfatihah...